Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
