dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
