Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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