I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
