The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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