put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
