He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
