Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
