I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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