you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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