I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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