tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
