physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
