My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize