He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
