I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
