She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
