thus making me awesome and them whores
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
