I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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