i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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