i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, beer. Big fan.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
