I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He passed out mid-signature
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
