Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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