i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
