but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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