The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
