U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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