it hurts more in the daytime
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
