Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Boobs speak an international language.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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