I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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