remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
