idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
