We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
