Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
