You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
