I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
