Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
