Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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