I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
