No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
