We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
wow bdsm is so cute
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
