I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
