Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
