oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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