So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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