Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
