Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
