toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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