so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
