dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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