if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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