No stitches, just platelets and will power
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
