brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
