Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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