I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
