I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize