I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
