Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
