I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
